I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
