I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
