all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
