the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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