And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
