I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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