If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
