Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
