just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
