I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
