i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
