I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
