i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you win again, gameday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
