Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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