You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
