ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
