Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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