is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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