Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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