My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
