he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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