I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
