You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
