Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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