I will die if light touches me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
