Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
