hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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