There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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