a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
