but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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