I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
