3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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