Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
