I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
