i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
