apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
