Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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