I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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