I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
