i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
