I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
