Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
