I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Duck Duck Cougar?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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