Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fuck appropriateness.

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(206): View more from Washington

i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.

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(316): View more from Kansas

My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

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(248): View more from Michigan

he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.

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(310): View more from California

A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??

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(303): View more from Colorado

I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.

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