im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
