this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
