Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
