i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
