All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
