you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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