smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
